Last time on Frenchie Ball G, Ultrasect continued to ravage the Earth in his attempt to coerce our heroes to surrender Terri to him. Frenchie having just found the first G Ball, raced up the path of destruction where he encountered Tony and his old rival, Matt. In a desperation move, Tony managed to forge an uneasy alliance between the two powerful warriors.
Meanwhile, using the G-Radar, Zach began to close in on the other G Ball! Will the combined forces of Frenchie, Matt, and Tony enough to slow down Utltrasect in time for Zach to return with this other G Ball? Find out next on Frenchie Ball G!
Zach soured above the Brazilian wilderness. “Of all the places this G ball had to be. I fucking hate the jungle. This gay-dar better be working right,” he remarked to himself.
His head was splitting from the fever the heat had given him. The G-Radar in is pocket began to beep a higher interval than he had heard. He pulled it out to find that he was right on top of the signal. Suddenly, an arrow shot passed his head. He looked down to find hundred of natives armed with bows and machetes. He also saw they were surrounding a golden ball. “Ugh, they should have sent Tony down here to deal with these beaners,” said Zach, unaware of his own ignorance that this particular racial epithet is no longer applicable once he went past Mexico. “Well, looks like there is about to be a trampling at the zoo. Prepare to get fucked by America, savages!” he roared as he dove down to battle the entire village.
Meanwhile, back in Canada, Frenchie, Matt, and Tony stood in the ruins of Toronto. It was the first time Tony had a chance to take in what had become of this grand city. Ultrasect had really taken his time here. The air had a taste of death. All the bodies were outside of the smoldering buildings. Ultrasect must have been killing everyone inside then destroying the buildings. “All this carnage for one woman,” Tony thought to himself. “He came all this way just to get his ride on the village bicycle. It was like Predator meets milfhunter.com.”
Frenchie and Matt were still oblivious to the scene around them. The hatred between them was only magnified by the fact they had to work together or both lose something very precious to them. They just stared at each other, both wishing the other to experience some sort of personal holocaust. Matt finally spoke. “Well, let’s get this over with, but mark my words, Seth,” Matt said in the most cutting tone, “after I kill Ultrasect, we are finishing this. You hear me, Frenchie? Your ass is fucking mine!”
“Heh, the only person my ass belongs to is Shai LaBeouf,” said Frenchie in a completely serious tone.
“Wait, what?” inquired Tony.
“You need to listen to me,” said Frenchie, totally brushing off Tony’s question about his longing for the cock of the teen heartthrob. “We can’t just go after Ultrasect head on. You saw what he did to Maslany and Austin. He’s stronger and faster than us, plain and simple. We are totally outclassed in this one.”
“Sounds like he’s really got us in a glory hole on New Year’s Eve in San Francisco,” quipped Tony. He was pretty happy he made a joke without saying dishes.
“If only we were that lucky,” said Frenchie with a longing sigh. “But no, we have to outsmart him on this one.”
“And how do you suppose we do that, queer? Attack him in Lineage II or just suck his dick and cry?” Matt said. He did not appreciate being told what to do by someone who he loathed so much. He was not even really listening, only planning the most heinous insult imaginable for the next time Frenchie shut his fucking mouth.
Frenchie started again, “This is what I need you to do. There is a special attack I learned a while back, but it takes a long time to charge. . .”
“That’s bullshit.” Matt interrupted. “Special attack? You just don’t want to be part of this fight. I’m Matt Motherfucking Mills and I don’t need fucking Frenchie to save the world.”
“Funny, I was saving this attack for you, if that tells you anything,” said Frenchie. “Look, I want to win this one just as bad as anyone else. We are pretty fucked until Zach gets back with the other G Ball. We can attack him head-on and only slow him down for 10 minutes or you can listen to my plan and maybe slow him down for 20.”
“Matt, it is worth hearing him out,” said Tony. The longer the bickering went on, but more cities would be facing the same fate as Toronto.
“Just hear me out. Just catch up to Ultrasect and get him to follow you back here. By the time you get back, I should have my new attack ready. It won’t kill him, but hopefully it will do enough to stall him until Zach gets back here,” said Frenchie. He was really looking forward for a change to try his new attack out.
“Frenchie,” Matt started, “you represent everything this is wrong with this race. I hate the feeling of your consciousness’s continued existence. Your very essence is like poison to my soul. There is simply no way for me to more eloquently elaborate my absolute revulsion of each atom that makes up your person. So, let me tell you this: if your fairy plan does not work, I will break all your Rock Band shit.”
Frenchie winced. Hearing the threat was like nails on a chalkboard. Rock Band and receiving anal sex were his only two joys in life. It had to work. If it did not, not only will he not be able to play Rock Band, but everyone would be too dead to fuck him too. “I understand. Just hold up your end of the bargain. Just like a reach around. Don’t bother looking back. Just enjoy the ride.”
With that, Tony and Matt took off, neither wanting to discuss what Frenchie just said to them. They thought they heard the sound of a zipper going down, but they did not speak of it.
Zach’s energy blast vaporized the last of the children in the village. No one was innocent to him. No prisoners. No survivors. He saw that he did get carried away. He picked up the G Ball off the makeshift pedestal and took off towards the states. In the air, he saw another village. “Ugh, maybe next time when I’m not in a hurry,” he thought.
Will Frenchie’s plan be enough to hold of Ultrasect? Will Zach make back in time to help? Find out next time on Frenchie Ball G.
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